13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do It's fascinating how mentally strong people set themselves apart from the crowd. Where others see impenetrable barriers, they see challenges to overcome.
Last Updated on January 14, 2021
Find many great new & used options and get the best deals for 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do: Take Back Your Power, Embrace Change, Face Your Fears, and Train Your Brain for Happiness. In her book, “13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do,” author Amy Morin writes that developing mental strength is a “three-pronged approach.” It’s about controlling your thoughts, behaviors, and emotions. Here are 13 things mentally strong people do not do, according to Morin: 1. They don’t waste time feeling sorry for themselves.
Mentally strong people have healthy habits. They manage their emotions, thoughts, and behaviors in ways that set them up for success in life.
Take a look at these 13 things that mentally strong people don’t do so that you too can become mentally stronger.
1. They Don’t Waste Time Feeling Sorry for Themselves
Mentally strong people don’t sit around feeling sorry about their circumstances or how others have treated them. Instead, they take responsibility for their role in life and understand that life isn’t always easy or fair.
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2. They Don’t Give Away Their Power
They don’t allow others to control them, and they don’t give someone else power over them. They don’t say things like, “My boss makes me feel bad,” because they understand that they are in control over their own emotions and they have a choice in how they respond.
3. They Don’t Shy Away from Change
Mentally strong people don’t try to avoid change. Instead, they welcome positive change and are willing to be flexible. They understand that change is inevitable and believe in their abilities to adapt.
4. They Don’t Waste Energy on Things They Can’t Control
You won’t hear a mentally strong person complaining over lost luggage or traffic jams. Instead, they focus on what they can control in their lives. They recognize that sometimes, the only thing they can control is their attitude.
5. They Don’t Worry About Pleasing Everyone
Mentally strong people recognize that they don’t need to please everyone all the time. They’re not afraid to say no or speak up when necessary. They strive to be kind and fair, but can handle other people being upset if they didn’t make them happy.
6. They Don’t Fear Taking Calculated Risks
They don’t take reckless or foolish risks, but don’t mind taking calculated risks. Mentally strong people spend time weighing the risks and benefits before making a big decision, and they’re fully informed of the potential downsides before they take action.
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7. They Don’t Dwell on the Past
Mentally strong people don’t waste time dwelling on the past and wishing things could be different. They acknowledge their past and can say what they’ve learned from it.
However, they don’t constantly relive bad experiences or fantasize about the glory days. Instead, they live for the present and plan for the future.
8. They Don’t Make the Same Mistakes Over and Over
Mentally strong people accept responsibility for their behavior and learn from their past mistakes. As a result, they don’t keep repeating those mistakes over and over. Instead, they move on and make better decisions in the future.
9. They Don’t Resent Other People’s Success
Mentally strong people can appreciate and celebrate other people’s success in life. They don’t grow jealous or feel cheated when others surpass them. Instead, they recognize that success comes with hard work, and they are willing to work hard for their own chance at success.
10. They Don’t Give Up After the First Failure
Mentally strong people don’t view failure as a reason to give up. Instead, they use failure as an opportunity to grow and improve. They are willing to keep trying until they get it right.
11. They Don’t Fear Alone Time
Mentally strong people can tolerate being alone and they don’t fear silence. They aren’t afraid to be alone with their thoughts and they can use downtime to be productive.
They enjoy their own company and aren’t dependent on others for companionship and entertainment all the time but instead can be happy alone.
12. They Don’t Feel the World Owes Them Anything
Mentally strong people don’t feel entitled to things in life. They weren’t born with a mentality that others would take care of them or that the world must give them something. Instead, they look for opportunities based on their own merits.
13. They Don’t Expect Immediate Results
Whether they are working on improving their health or getting a new business off the ground, mentally strong people don’t expect immediate results. Instead, they apply their skills and time to the best of their ability and understand that real change takes time.
More About Mental Strength
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- Psychotherapist and social worker Amy Morin detailed the key characteristics mentally tough people have in her bestseller, '13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do.'
- Mentally tough people refuse to give up after failure and don't let others' judgments affect them.
- Like physical health, mental toughness must be worked on, Morin said in her book.
Mental strength isn't often reflected in what you do. It's usually seen in what you don't do.
In her bestseller '13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do,' psychotherapist and social worker Amy Morin wrote that developing mental strength requires a 'three-pronged approach.' It's about controlling your thoughts, behaviors, and emotions.
Like physical health, mental toughness must be worked toward, Morin said. Knowing how to regulate your thoughts and control your emotions helps build mental toughness.
The following are 13 things that mentally strong people do not do, according to Morin.
This is an update of an article originally written by Steven Benna.
They don't waste time feeling sorry for themselves.
'Feeling sorry for yourself is self-destructive,' Morin wrote. 'Indulging in self-pity hinders living a full life.' It wastes time, creates negative emotions, and hurts your relationships.
The key is to 'affirm the good in the world, and you will begin to appreciate what you have,' she wrote. The goal is to swap self-pity with gratitude.
People give away their power when they lack physical and emotional boundaries, Morin wrote. You need to stand up for yourself and draw the line when necessary. If other people are in control of your actions, they define your success and self-worth. It's important that you keep track of your goals and work toward them.
Morin uses Oprah Winfrey as an example of someone with a strong grip on their power. Winfrey grew up dealing with poverty and sexual abuse, but 'she chose to define who she was going to be in life by not giving away her power.'
There are five stages of change, Morin wrote: pre-contemplation, contemplation, preparation, action, and maintenance.
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Following through with each of the five steps is crucial. Making changes can be frightening, but shying away from them prevents growth. 'The longer you wait, the harder it gets,' she said. 'Other people will outgrow you.'
'It feels so safe to have everything under control, but thinking we have the power to always pull the strings can become problematic,' Morin wrote. Trying to be in control of everything is likely a response to anxiety.
'Rather than focusing on managing your anxiety, you try controlling your environment,' she said. Shifting your focus off the things you can't control can create increased happiness, less stress, better relationships, new opportunities, and more success.
We often judge ourselves by considering what other people think of us, which is the opposite of mental toughness. Morin listed four facts about trying to be a people-pleaser: It's a waste of time; people-pleasers are easily manipulated; it's OK for others to feel angry or disappointed; and you can't please everyone.
Dropping your people-pleasing mindset will make you stronger and more self-confident.
People are often afraid to take risks, whether it's financial, physical, emotional, social, or business-related, Morin said. But it comes down to knowledge: 'A lack of knowledge about how to calculate risk leads to increased fear,' she wrote.
To better analyze a risk, ask yourself the following questions.
- What are the potential costs?
- What are the potential benefits?
- How will this help me achieve my goal?
- What are the alternatives?
- How good would it be if the best-case scenario came true?
- What is the worst thing that could happen, and how could I reduce the risk it will occur?
- How bad would it be if the worst-case scenario did come true?
- How much will this decision matter in five years?
The past is in the past. There's no way to change what happened, and 'dwelling can be self-destructive, preventing you from enjoying the present and planning for the future,' Morin wrote. Fixating on past mistakes doesn't solve anything, and can lead to , she said.
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There can be a benefit to thinking about the past, though. Reflecting on the lessons learned, considering the facts rather than the emotions, and looking at a situation from a new perspective can be helpful, she said.
Reflecting can ensure you don't repeat your mistakes. It's important to study what went wrong, what you could have done better, and how to do it differently next time, Morin wrote.
Mentally strong people accept responsibility for the mistake and create a thoughtful, written plan to avoid making the same mistake in the future.
Resentment is like anger that remains hidden and bottled up, Morin said. Focusing on another person's success will not pave the way to your own, because it distracts you from your path.
Even if you become successful, you may never be content if you're always focusing on others. You may also overlook your talents and abandon your values and relationships.
Success isn't immediate, and failure is almost always an obstacle you will have to overcome. 'Take, for example, Theodor Geisel — also known as Dr. Seuss — whose first book was rejected by more than 20 publishers,' Morin said. Dr. Seuss is now a household name.
Thinking that failure is unacceptable or that it means you aren't good enough does not reflect mental strength. In fact, 'bouncing back after failure will make you stronger,' Morin wrote.
'Creating time to be alone with your thoughts can be a powerful experience, instrumental in helping you reach your goals,' Morin wrote. Becoming mentally strong 'requires you to take time out from the busyness of daily life to focus on growth.'
Here are some of the benefits of solitude:
- Solitude at the office can increase productivity.
- Alone time may increase your empathy.
- Spending time alone sparks creativity.
- Solitary skills are good for mental health.
- Solitude offers restoration.
It's easy to get angry at the world for your failures or lack of success, but the truth is no one is entitled to anything. It must be earned.
'Life isn't meant to be fair,' Morin said. If some people experience more happiness or success than others, 'that's life — but it doesn't mean you're owed anything if you were dealt a bad hand.'
The key is to focus on your efforts, accept criticism, acknowledge your flaws, and don't keep score, Morin wrote. Comparing yourself to others will only set you up for disappointment if you don't receive what you think you're owed.
'A willingness to develop realistic expectations and an understanding that success doesn't happen overnight is necessary if you want to reach your full potential,' Morin wrote. Mentally weak people are often impatient. They overestimate their abilities and underestimate how long change takes, so they expect immediate results.
It's important to 'keep your eyes on the prize' and relentlessly work toward your long-term goals, she said. There will be failures along the way, but if you measure your progress and look at the big picture, success will become attainable.
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